When Someone is Struggling With Stress and Burnout, They Don’t Need Lessons—They Need Lifelines
Healing Starts with Safety, Not Solutions
Picture this: You’re drowning. Water up to your chin, waves crashing over your head, lungs burning. Someone on shore sees you flailing and, instead of throwing you a life preserver, starts yelling, "Have you considered a different swimming technique? Maybe if you kicked your legs more efficiently, you wouldn’t be in this mess."
Helpful? Not even a little.
But this is exactly what we do when we see someone struggling—hell, it’s what we do to ourselves. We jump straight to solutions. We prescribe, analyze, and strategize when the person in front of us (or the one in the mirror) is gasping for air.
Let’s get something straight: When someone is in crisis—whether from burnout, stress, trauma, or just the general dumpster fire of life—they don’t need a lesson. They need a lifeline.
Safety Before Strategy
The human nervous system doesn’t care about your best advice. When we’re overwhelmed, the brain defaults to survival mode. The prefrontal cortex (where logic and executive function live) goes offline, and the amygdala (aka the brain’s emergency response center) takes over. In this state, we don’t need solutions—we need safety. Psychological, emotional, and sometimes physical safety.
This is why throwing advice at someone in distress is about as effective as telling a panic attack to "calm down." Instead, the first priority should be to create an environment where the nervous system can downshift from fight-or-flight into a state where problem-solving is even possible.
Apply This to Yourself First
High achievers—listen up. You are notorious for being your own worst critic. When you hit a rough patch, your first instinct is often to "fix it"—by doubling down, pushing harder, or dissecting every little mistake like a forensic investigator. Here’s a radical thought: What if, instead of beating yourself up, you created safety for yourself first?
How to Throw Yourself a Lifeline:
Pause the Self-Improvement Project: You don’t have to optimize every crisis. Sometimes, step one is just acknowledging this is hard and giving yourself permission to feel it.
Regulate Before You Ruminate: Deep breathing, movement, sleep, and nourishment aren’t luxuries—they’re prerequisites for clear thinking. Take care of your body first.
Call In Reinforcements: You are not meant to do this alone. Whether it’s a coach, therapist, or friend, find the people who can hold space for you without immediately handing you a "five-step action plan."
Reframe Productivity: Rest is productive. Emotional processing is progress. Sometimes, the best thing you can do for your long-term success is to not force a solution in the short term.
How to Be a Lifeline for Others
Once you’ve learned to apply this to yourself, you’ll be infinitely better at offering it to others. Whether it’s your team, a friend, or a loved one, here’s how to provide lifelines instead of lectures:
1. Listen Without Solving
The number one mistake? Thinking your job is to fix it. When someone opens up about their struggle, resist the urge to jump in with advice. Instead, try: “That sounds really tough. Do you want to vent, or do you want help problem-solving?” Let them lead.
2. Validate First, Strategize Later
No one wants to hear "it’s not that bad" or "just think positive." Instead, try: “I can see why that would be really overwhelming.” Acknowledging someone’s pain helps their nervous system relax—only then can they think clearly about solutions.
3. Offer Presence, Not Pressure
Sometimes, the best thing you can do is simply be there. A walk, a coffee, a "thinking of you" text—these small acts signal, you’re not alone. That alone is a powerful lifeline.
4. Respect Their Timeline
Not everyone is ready to take action right away. Pushing for solutions too soon can feel dismissive. Instead, let them set the pace: “Whenever you’re ready, I’m here.”
Final Thoughts
Healing isn’t about quick fixes. It’s about creating the conditions where real, lasting change can happen. Whether it’s you or someone you care about—start with safety. Solutions can wait.
So, the next time you—or someone you know—is metaphorically drowning, skip the unsolicited advice. Throw the lifeline first. Lessons can come later.
Article References
The sources cited in the article:
healthline. “Holding Space for Someone.” healthline - Holding Space for Someone
Verywell Mind (VM). "How to Create Your Own ‘Safe Space’ for When You Feel Overwhelmed." VM - Create a ‘Safe Space’
Forbes. “How Psychologically Safe Is Your Workplace?” Forbes - How Psychologically Safe Is Your Workplace?
mental health (MH). "The Importance of Feeling Safe.” MH - The Importance of Feeling Safe
HelpGuide. “Emotional and Psychological Trauma.” HelpGuide - Emotional and Psychological Trauma
